48 Hours of Faithfulness

So, it's been six months since we stopped fostering, and my heart has been heavy for children still in need. It's also been 10 days since I put Joshua on a plane headed to Ft. Jackson, South Carolina for Basic Combat Training with the Army National Guard.

The last week and a half have been anything but easy, but God is FAITHFUL. And, on Tuesday, He showed that even more than I had ever seen before.

A baby.

Not yet born.

Gender unknown.

Future uncertain.

Due in only 8 weeks.

And I received a text that the birth mother wanted to meet with me about adopting this little one.

Like I mentioned before, I just sent Joshua off to BCT last week, and communication with him is non-existent at the moment. I am still learning how to function on my own, which I have never really done before. I'm sort of getting the hang of it, but the bad days outweigh the good right now. It will get better in time, I'm sure.

Now, back to that text.

It threw me into a complete panic. I already have so much on my plate, that I wasn't sure what to do. I called everyone I could think of to try to talk me out of saying yes. Looking back on it, though, I always knew I needed to say yes. Half of my wanting to say no was selfish and prideful, and the other half was not wanting people to look at me wrong. I was so concerned about what others would say that I didn't want to hear a word of what God had to say. I was so concerned about not wanting to be a burden, that I lost sight of the purpose of unity within the body of believers. I disregarded the joy others would receive by serving - I was robbing their potential for joy. I wanted to do it all myself - my pride got the best of me.

Through this, God kept saying one thing, "I am FAITHFUL!" And, honestly, I didn't want that. I didn't want Him to prove Himself through me. In some ways, I wanted to wallow in my own party of self pity and come up with a lame reason why I couldn't and blame the world. Doesn't that just sound crazy?

Instead, everyone I know and love surrounded me with love and support - offering babysitting throughout my crazy work schedule, even for overnight - WITH A NEWBORN! Even Joshua, who is halfway across the country running around in camo, said yes immediately and without reserve.

I could no longer come up with anymore excuses. God was proving His FAITHFULness, even when I didn't care to see it. Man, did I feel like slime when I realized that.

So, I said yes.

I called an attorney, and I set up an appointment. I priced necessary items - completely oblivious to the fact that there is such an amazing support system around me that I wouldn't have to buy anything. I planned a schedule for childcare around my work schedule. I jumped all in. And I was completely at peace.

My prayer at that point was that if God wanted us to go through with this that He would keep that door wide open, and if He didn't, that He would slam that door shut tight and do it quickly. I was content with either result.

Thursday night He shut the door. The birth dad pulled his consent to adopt, and that was that. Once again, I was completely at peace. God is FAITHFUL.

I think he just wanted me to be FAITHFUL and say yes, to trust that He would provide. So, I did. I don't think it was necessarily about completing what He originally asked me to do, but, instead, it was about being willing to do whatever He asked of me. Kind of like when God told Abraham to offer Isaac as sacrifice in Genesis 22. God provided the ram, the end result that fulfilled His plan. It just took a willing heart to be brought to completion.

In part, I also think it was to show me that I am not alone in all of this. God is FAITHFUL, and I am blessed beyond words. All I have to do when God asks is to say yes.