FAILED ADOPTION
Those words haunt anyone who has ever considered adopting, and they crush those who have experienced it.
I am crushed.
I am embarrassed.
I am angry.
Four months ago, our planned adoption through foster care failed, and our family is now more broken than ever before. We are also closer and stronger than ever before.
Our failed adoption was filled with betrayal and deceit. The boy we loved, and still do love, made false accusations against our family. These accusations were entirely false, but he was permanently removed from our home because of them. After months of no information, then weeks of a state police investigation, it was all ruled unfounded and false.
The relief we felt there was short lived, however. A few weeks later, we received word from a previous DHS employee regarding the whole ordeal, who told us that DHS had closed our home. This was without informing us or returning any of our communications, simply because they didn't want to deal with us any more. That previous employee went on to say that they were telling other people about it who were not involved with our case and who had no business having any of that information. Betrayed is only the beginning of how we feel, but God has other plans.
Fast forward to today.
As many of you already know, my amazing husband has felt God calling him to bigger things for quite some time, now. Two years ago, He laid the military on our hearts. At that time, there was no peace about timing, but God always puts something on your heart for a reason. This last year, Joshua joined me in my love for Jiu Jitsu, and it has changed his outlook on life. It has strengthened and humbled him, challenged him to be an even better leader in our home. I am a very blessed woman.
On December 22, 2015, Joshua made an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that he will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that he will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over him, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
I never dreamed of being a military wife, but there is no way that I could hold any more respect and pride for my husband. He has a servant's heart that takes my breath away every day. I am cherished and spoiled by a man who loves me and fights for our marriage every single day. Our marriage has not been easy or perfect - the complete opposite to be completely honest, but God has provided every step of the way.
In four weeks, Joshua will leave for Basic Combat Training (BCT) then move directly to Advanced Individual Training (AIT) after graduation. He will be gone for 7 months. We have never been apart for such a length of time. I have to admit that I am scared. Not for him - I know this is exactly where he is supposed to be. Instead, I am deathly afraid of failing while he is gone. I depend on Joshua so much for everything.
So, if you would, please pray for all of us. Just because we know this is God's Will, does not make it easy on our human hearts. I am a greedy and jealous woman - I want my husband with me at all times. I don't sleep well when he is away, even for just one night. If it were just me, I would not be able to handle this, but I'm not alone. God's got this. His Word commands us to not be afraid 365 times - that's once a day. I need that daily reminder that I am not alone.
While Joshua is gone, I will be leading our youth group. Pray for wisdom to teach with depth and grace. Pray for peace and hearts void of worry. Pray blessings over our students, that their faith would blossom, that they would be nourished and replenished in their walks with the Lord, that they would be supported and pruned by the Body of Christ surrounding them.
